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Surviving Thanksgiving

ThanksgivingHeader

I know that I’m not the only one who gets stressed out over Thanksgiving. A lot of people view this holiday as a time of relaxation, an opportunity to have a feast cooked for them as they curl up by the television and watch hours of football. Unfortunately for some, Thanksgiving doesn’t mean quite the same thing. So for all of the people like me, who would rather chug an entire bottle of wine in the corner (avoid this), here is the unofficial guide for surviving Thanksgiving.

The Night Before

Anyone over 21 knows that the night before Thanksgiving (aka Drinksgiving) is the biggest bar night of the year. I will admit it is fun watching all of the people you knew from high school take endless shots of Fireball and make fools out of themselves (just like old times, right?), but as soon as you cross that boundary yourself and start going down that slippery slope of inebriation (logical fallacies, yay!) things start getting a little more complicated. Lord knows I’ve been guilty of making poor decisions after a night of drinking but maybe some other people have more self control than I. Just say ‘No’ to shots.

DISCLAIMER: If you have committed to making more than one dish for Thanksgiving dinner avoid this night at all costs. Your guests will not be pleased if you serve them the ‘Thanksgiving Platters’  you ordered last minute at the only restaurant in town that is open on Thanksgiving Day.

 

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(avoid) 

Thanksgiving Morning

If you followed the above advice, you shouldn’t be so hungover to the point of wanting to off yourself. ‘Sauvignon Blahs’ are easily combated with a strong cup of coffee and a long shower. If you happen to have ignored your better judgement and stayed out until the bartenders kicked you out. Then, proceeded to continue drinking at that guys house you had A.P. English with, (your best friend BEGGED to go because her high school crush was going to be there)…..Moral of this story, you’re screwed. Welcome to Thanksgiving hell. Okay, maybe it’s not that bad. If you can manage, spend extra time on your personal hygiene. It’s not a good look to be smelling of booze and stale cigarettes when everyone starts showing up.

 

Thanksgiving Day

Congratulations, you’ve survived your hangover. (Or, if you were smart and went to bed early, are well rested and have had a productive morning… I have nothing to say to you. You clearly have your shit together.) Now the guests are starting to arrive, or hey, maybe you’ve just arrived somewhere yourself. Avoid awkward conversations or arguments by keeping yourself busy. Help in the kitchen. At the very least have a few conversation topics in your back pocket so if your conversation with Aunt Sally* starts to go south you can avert the attention to something else. And whatever you do don’t commit to multiple Thanksgivings.  One may think that breaking up a Thanksgiving into several smaller dinners may lessen the stress, this is false. It just leads to condensed awkward conversations and rushed meals. Plus, I don’t know if anyone has tried to eat three Thanksgiving dinners in a row, it is not easy.

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This is applicable for any relative. 

Post Thanksgiving

You got all the awkward conversations out of the way, hell you may have gone through the whole day without explaining to that distant relative your plans for the rest of your life, or why you don’t have a S.O. and have no idea when you’re getting married. Now go relax and drink the hair of the dog (See, I knew you didn’t listen to my  pre-Thanksgiving advise.) You don’t have to worry about it for another 12 months.

PRO TIP: If you are a guest in someone’s house, offer to help with the dishes. It is Thanksgiving after all, don’t be ungrateful.

 

Jill

*The story is true, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

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